Waiting for Breakthrough
Two and half years and three weeks. That’s approximately 30.75 months, which equals about 133.36 weeks, which equates to roughly 934.50 days. That is how much time has elapsed since the night my world exploded in a t-bone collision.
Some days, it seems like it was just yesterday. Other times, it feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve tried my best to continue moving forward, but every day bears repercussions from that night. Prior to the crash, I considered myself fairly athletic and was able to exercise on a consistent basis. Since the crash, though, my body has continued to recall the trauma it endured.
If I exercise now, some part of my body typically flares up and I’m in pain for days or weeks afterwards. If I go horseback riding and attempt any speed faster than a walk, the entire right side of my body feels like I’ve whiplashed over my gun belt again. If I ride for even thirty minutes, my right foot goes numb. If I go for a walk that is longer than a mile or two, I can’t lift my right leg without excruciating pain in the front of my hip. Push-ups irritate my injured wrist. Kneeling on my right knee and then attempting to straighten my leg is often accompanied with severe, sharp pain. The list could go on.
What I find to be most frustrating, though, is that I am not allowed to seek treatment for these ongoing issues because the Worker’s Comp portion of my case is not settled yet. Every doctor I’ve tried to get a second opinion from won’t touch my case with a ten-foot pole because—you guessed it—it’s a Worker’s Comp case. I’m at the point now, I just want this case settled so I can continue to move forward in life and be able to get the treatment I need. But every time it seems like the case might move forward, it reaches a standstill again because the Worker’s Comp side of things wants every penny and then some paid back for the medical treatment that was provided initially following the crash. Now, I know that money cannot fully compensate for everything I’ve been through since that night, but it would be nice at the end of the day to have some sort of compensation for the pain, suffering, and loss of career that was a result of that crash. I want Worker’s Comp to completely waive the medical lien. Will that happen short of a miracle? Probably not. But one can still cling to hope.
It can be easy to become discouraged as this case continues to drag out. I have to remind myself almost daily to walk in forgiveness toward the individuals responsible for making the decisions regarding the case settlement. I have to remind myself to be grateful for the things I am able to do, instead of constantly being frustrated by my current limitations.
My husband and I passed by a bad crash the other day while driving on the interstate. The vehicle was overturned and partially up against a concrete lane divider. The airbags had deployed and some of the windows appeared to be smashed from the impact. After lifting a prayer for those involved in the crash and for the first responders on scene, it brought my crash to mind. Things could have been so much worse that night. It made me grateful that my injuries were not more severe, that I was able to walk away from the crash. It made me grateful that my life was spared.
As I continue dealing with the physical pain, and the frustration and rejection regarding the settlement particulars, I have to remember to have a heart of gratitude. I have to choose to be grateful for the heart lessons I am learning in this season of life and to look forward with hope to what I will be able to do in the future once this case is settled.
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